Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
