shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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