Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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