Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
they're like a gay fantastic four
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
