Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
