I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
