so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
