i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
