this just has baby written all over it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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