dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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