We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
