You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up under a house in Key West
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
