thus making me awesome and them whores
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
