i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
