You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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