it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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