toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
