Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
