At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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