toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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