And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
