Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
