I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
