I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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