Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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