Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
