did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
