Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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