I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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