I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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