I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
