wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
