I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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