What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
