and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
