Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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