And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
