you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
