shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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