i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
