Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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