Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
