DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
