is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
