Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
