um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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