So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
