You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
