He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
