Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
