headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
