I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
