Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
