I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
