When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
