Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
only you would photoshop your dick
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
