i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
