Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
