He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You just made me feel so damn special
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
