Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
