On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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