I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
