Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
