hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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