can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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