He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
