How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
