I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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