Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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