And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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