Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
