I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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