His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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