He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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